Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize