he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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