was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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