I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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