I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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