I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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