i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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