Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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