i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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