WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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