Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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