Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize