this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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