I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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