so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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