A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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