You just made me feel so damn special
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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