I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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