i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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