Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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