I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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