All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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