my mouth tastes like poor choices
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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