ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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