Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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