Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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