I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize