All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize