i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize