During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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