I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize