I wanna bring you to show and tell
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize