No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize