I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize