Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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