I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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