honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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