My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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