Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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