So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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