thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize