Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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