i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
not ubering you a puppy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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