my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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