Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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