booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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