between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize