I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize