I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize