Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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